I don't trust God. That's what it comes down to. I simply don't. I want to, but I never do. I always rely on myself.
This weekend at Ridgecrest, I worked as the sound tech for the North Carolina Baptist State Convention...for women. I was one of six guys in the room. Three of them were musicians with Laura Story (she wrote Indescribable), one was Laura's husband, another guy worked with me and the last guy headed up the conference. We were out-numbered by about 250-300. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to pay attention to the talks. I was afraid of what I might hear. But, I did catch a few things that really hit home for me.
This past week I kinda got out of my normal everyday routine. I woke up later than usual a few times and I headed out the door before I got to spend any time letting God speak to me. There's something about reading the Word before you really start the day. A lot of the time, when I fail to do so first thing, I'll never get back around to it that day. And somehow I always feel like the day just doesn't flow like it should. One of the talks from the conference reiterated to me how important it was to make sure I prioritize my time accordingly.
A tithe is a 10% contribution. We, as Christians, usually understand this to mean 10% of our income. God blesses us with this income so we give a part of it back. He also gives us time. 24 hours each day. That's 1,440 minutes. If we choose to give 10% of each day, we would spend 2 hours and 24 minutes (144 minutes total) getting to know Him better. Well let's just look at the hours we're awake. On average, we'll say we sleep 8 hours a night. That leaves us with 16 hours. A tithe of this would only be 1 hour and 36 minutes. Still too long? I'm not saying any of this to play the judge of how many chapters of Leviticus and Deuteronomy you read each day, I'm just sharing some thoughts I've had over the past couple of days. It convicts me of how much time I actually don't spend trying to understand the Love of God better.
God doesn't specifically say that we must spend this much time in solitude with our Bible, but I feel like He wouldn't mind more of our time. I'm guilty of doing my own thing too much. I'm on Facebook way more than I should. I watch too many episodes of House. I spend too much time just goofing off. I really need to straighten up my to-do list, work on time management and get my priorities in order.
Maybe if I spent more time understanding the life of Jesus and listening to what God has planned to show me, then I would learn to trust Him more. One of the talks of this conference was titled "Winning Over Worry." When I wasn't thinking about how many women I know who worry too much, I would ponder my worries. I worry about my future all the time. I feel like I'm getting somewhat better at this, but I still do it excessively. I worry about finances and how I will pay bills after school. I worry about girls and how I'll know when I find 'her' (hence the name of the post). I worry about my music and my musicianship which leads to more concern for my future regarding a career. I need prayer. I need to let someone else have control of my life. I need to let Jesus. I need Jesus.
One last thought on girls. Seeing these ladies experience their creator through music and prayer was a blessing. Laura was great. I'm usually bias (but NOT sexist!) when it comes to female musicians, but she rocked the house (figuratively speaking). [Nice sounding guitar. And the rest of her band sounded great too. I like guitar tone :)]. I was surprisingly challenged from this weekend. I saw God move among His people...specifically me.
Side note and accomplishment on worrying: I've almost quit worrying about school related issues because I'm ready to be done with it. HA! So, there's one that I can check off the list. I'm focusing on the goal, now. Graduation. How I get there is the only question. But no worrying. I'm just going to get there.
